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What exactly is a FAQ?
It usually stands for "Frequently Asked Questions." But no one
has ever really asked any of us here at UPBEAT Entertainment
News Syndicate what "FAQ" stands for, so it could possibly stand
for something else. Besides... does it seem like we might have
some direct link to "Yoda"?
Where are all the annoying pop-up windows and flashing banner
ads that most other web sites have?
UPBEAT Entertainment News is actually a consumer-oriented syndicated
entertainment news magazine, which means that we will never
purposely do anything to annoy you; even if that means having
you "miss out" on all of the latest pop-up and spyware ad
technology that will literally screw up your hard drive and
probably cause your pet parakeet to sing the Speed Racer theme
backwards. Our client base loyalty is much more important than
the bottom line and companies who maintain a solid client
loyalty always arrive at long-term success much faster. Either
that or one day we'll just "sell out" and you'll be sorry that
you didn't buy our content from us when we asked you to... so
that we didn't have to "sell out" in the first place!
How frequently is the UPBEAT Entertainment News web site
actually updated?
UPBEAT Entertainment News is updated with new content, but not
on a "regular" basis. Why? Well, that's because our web site is
essentially used as a "marketing tool" to generate content
sales. If we were to present the same "exclusive" content on our
web site that we sell to all of our incredibly selfless, loyal
subscribers, we wouldn't be considered very "exclusive" at all,
now would we? And that wouldn't exactly be fair to all of the
extraordinarily amazingly wonderful folks who actually pay us
their hard-earned money to sit here and write all of this stuff,
now would it? And being unfair is just not very polite behavior
at all, now is it? And how much further are you willing to let
us drone on about etiquette? And when do you begin to suspect
that perhaps we rented and watched that remake of the "Stepford
Wives" one too many times and now we're starting to creep you
out... much like Glenn Close did?
I submitted a review and it was never published. Why?
The number one reason for a column review not being published is
simply because we just didn't like it; and what's more, we
probably didn't like you or your name or... who knows? Maybe we
just had some sort of axe to grind that day and really didn't
feel like reading all of your endless, incessant crap about how
Brad Pitt was really mean to Jennifer Aniston for the hundred-gadzillionth
time. Oh please. Like these people aren't all adults and can't
make life-altering decisions without having you to write into us
about it! C'mon people! Everyone knows that Brad Pitt isn't
really who he says he is. According to one of the more "in the
know" tabloids [the one with Bat-Boy prominently featured on
most of its covers]— he was replaced by a working Android from
the planet Venus and both he and Angelina Jolie [who is secretly
planning the overthrow of the top-secret interim government on that
supposedly newly discovered planet that everyone is now calling
"Xena"] are going to one day rule the earth as we know it and
we'll all be referred to as "Gobots". So there. Besides... these
type of silly reviews are not informative at all to our readers.
Therefore, if you are going to submit a review, for God's sake
at least put some thought into it. Don't just keep repeating
over and over again how you knew all along that George W. Bush
was a sock puppet... Do all of this
and it is a virtual guarantee that your review will be
published. If you did do all of the aforementioned and you still
haven't been published... then it is quite possible that your entire
review was somehow lost in cyberspace. Please resend it.
I've lost my car keys. Can you
guys help me find them?
No. We can't find our own car keys and some of us have actually
lost entire cars... so it's completely out of the question.
Then, can you at least give me a ride home?
No. We aren't even remotely sympathetic to your plight.
What is the meaning of life?
We have absolutely no idea but we now believe that ex-Xena
actress Renee O'Connor may know. So visit her official web site
and simply ask her very politely to share her knowledge with
you. That web site is:
http://www.reneeoconnorfanclub.com/
Where do we get our story ideas?
We sit and think really, really, really hard. Seriously, there's
no secret magic formula that we know of or we would ALL be using
it. It really helps to have a wacky group of editorial
characters to work with and to be able to write about things we
are all interested in, certainly. And the ever looming do-or-die
deadlines seem to help us... rather inexplicably. And the fact
that people pay us for this stuff is extremely inspiring.
What is a Syndicate?
A syndicate is a business that sells feature materials such as
the stories and columns you read here on the web site to other
web sites, corporate web infrastructures and printed newspapers
at a cost far less than that which these people would have to
pay were they to actually do the work themselves. This allows a
writer to have his/her work appear all over the world and allows
even tiny newspapers and itty bitty web sites the opportunity to
run high profile features and columns at a far more
cost-effective price. And it helps that our writers all have
highly-respected pedigrees and solid credentials within the
industry.
Hey, some of this stuff is actually funny! Can I receive a
printed version of UPBEAT Entertainment News?
Yes. Go back to the page/interview that you were actually moved
by [or at least entertained and amused by] and print it out.
We're kidding... sort of. UPBEAT Entertainment News is now being
sold to a plethora of printed publications throughout the world.
If you can't seem to find us, then write in to your local
newspaper and suggest that they get "hip and cool" and purchase
us. We're great at parties and we are always available for
weddings.
Is UPBEAT Entertainment News Syndicate some sort of
postmodern commentary about the fact that there just isn't
enough laughter in the world?
Did you ever have a friend just because they made you laugh? Did
you ever want to do business with someone because they made you
laugh or smile? Do you like going to work because you just
really enjoy being around the people you work with? These are a
few of the benefits of UPBEAT. Did you ever have a boss or
teacher you didn't like? Would it have made a difference if
they'd had a sense of humor and displayed it once in awhile?
Laughter, humor and a true personal sense of joy increases
productivity. With all of the stress in the world today— it's a
message no one can afford to ignore. That's what UPBEAT is
really all about. It's productive laughter.
The publishers of UPBEAT Entertainment News Syndicate publish
material in good faith as editorial news or paid advertisements
and make no claims or endorsements for any products services or
procedures which appear in any of our syndicated columns nor do
the publishers accept legal liability in response to any claims
made against or litigation involved with any/all material
written in these columns. Articles and opinions expressed are
those of the author and not necessarily the views/opinions of
the publishers. Reproduction of UPBEAT Entertainment News
Syndicate in whole or in part without expressed written
permission by the publishers is strictly prohibited. UPBEAT
Entertainment News Syndicate cannot be held responsible for any
unsolicited material.
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