The Golden Globe Awards nominees were announced again recently and as a refreshing change of pace, there were a few television shows garnering acknowledgment that, unfortunately, do not acquire the same accolades at the "politically infused" Emmys later in the year. HBO's 'Six Feet Under,' FOX's '24,' ABC's 'Alias,' the WB's 'Gilmore Girls,' CBS' 'The Guardian' and NBC's 'Ed' all received at least one nomination— something that undoubtedly will not happen when the Emmy nominees are announced this summer. If it does happen, we here at UPBEAT will have to pass around the smelling salts and serve strong coffee afterward. But this doesn't mean the "usual suspects" were ignored. As always, NBC's Emmy cow, 'Will & Grace', lead all nominees with five followed by 'The Sopranos' (we still love Tony and Carmella) and 'The West Wing' (condescending yawn... big surprise) with four a piece. HBO's 'Sex and the City' racked up three nominations (Thank God) as did the cleverly executed (pardon the pun) HBO newcomer 'Six Feet Under'. Emmy regulars 'Ally McBeal,' 'Frasier,' 'Friends' and 'Spin City' took home two nods as did newer entries 'Malcolm in the Middle,' '24,' 'Alias' and 'C.S.I.' Lastly, 'Gilmore Girls,' 'Once & Again,' 'The Guardian,' 'Judging Amy' and 'Ed' each had a sole nomination. I will, however, state, for the record, how cool it is to see names like Jennifer Garner, Simon Baker, Peter Krause, Rachel Griffiths and Lauren Graham on this list... regardless of the outcome. At the very least they get to live out that one glorious day in the sun when the Golden Globes are broadcast— Sunday, January 20th at 8:00 p.m. EST on NBC. 

But again, the crack editorial staff here at UPBEAT sat around during the holidays, drinking trendy 'Sex and The City' Cosmopolitans, clad in our homemade 'Xena Warrior Princess' outfits with large embroidered black armbands that proudly proclaim, "Bring Back The Princess" (hey, leave us alone— we're all in mourning still... and after consuming at least five Cosmopolitans each... well... thank the Gods for Oxygen)... so there we all sat... trying desperately to remember if we've actually watched anything on television in the past year that moved us all... (geez, don’t you wish you were us?) Apart from the 'Xena Two Part Series Finale', we were a bit stumped... not as much as Xena mind you... (I know, I know, headless icon humor is not funny...) Relentless as I am though, I plodded forward until each of my editors vowed to have me committed the very next year... Okay, so I used the collectible Xena dolls to act out the series finale I would have written... my question is, who hasn't? But again, I digress... So without further ado or fan fare, we give you the Second Annual UPBEAT Tube File Awards...

Okay, right out of the politically incorrect chute, we are giving the award for Best Television Series/Drama to Showtime’s deliciously risqué 'Queer As Folk', a show with so many intricately woven layers of diversity we found it impossible to list them all in just one paragraph. Deemed by many as a gay ‘Sex and The City‘, ‘Queer As Folk’ is certainly not modest when it comes to presenting life’s issues and undertones. The show is "sex on a stick" and then some... Although there are no full-frontal shots (well, except for the dildos, and of course, the nude pencil drawings), there are a plethora of well-chiseled naked bodies and erotic encounters— Let me just say that ‘Queer as Folk’ makes Cinemax’s soft core late night erotica look like ‘The Waltons.’ But it isn’t the sex that captivates you, although I will say that it is extremely provocative and lustfully graphic... this show has so much to say about the human condition in general, in such a raw and honest way, that it’s actually quite scary. ‘Queer as Folk’ doesn't water down these complicated human emotions, and it certainly doesn't pass judgment on any of the characters, regardless of the outcome. This is indeed a very bold and courageous stand for any television series to take on, especially in a largely homophobic America. The most impressive thing about this show is that it doesn't seem to give a "rat’s ass" whether it works well in Nebraska. Instead of incessantly spewing out over and over again the same "acceptable" public relations agenda, but all too indistinguishable sitcom crap— that, gay or straight, deep down, where everything matters, we are all the same. ‘Queer as Folk’ dares to say that in several ways we most certainly are not the same. And all that the show really asks of us is that for once, we respect those differences. 

Best Television Series/Comedy— We debated and arm wrestled for several days on this one... and I must say, it was an engaging battle... but beyond my deep affection for all that is 'Sex and The City', I opted to go with my childhood heart on this choice, as opposed to my perfectly exemplified female libido... I chose 'Malcolm In The Middle' (Fox) for various reasons... Hal (Bryan Cranston) and Lois (Jane Kaczmarek) don't have the best-kept lawn, the cleanest house or the most refined children on the block. But despite being overwhelmed by the daily chaos, at the end of the day Malcolm and his brothers know they are loved. With his endearing yet cynical wit, Malcolm navigates his way through the sometimes treacherous, always entertaining waters of childhood. But as he says, "The best thing about childhood is, at some point it stops." The adults on this show are also superbly written. Bryan Cranston as Malcolm's father, Hal, exquisitely underplays his role as a father who is partially to blame for the mundane chaos that has become a four-boy household... but Hal is clueless when it comes to what he should to do about the whole mess. Jane Kaczmarek is a laugh riot as Lois, the beleaguered mother who runs the place with ruthless practicality in the face of an ever-looming domestic breakdown. Through all of the perpetual madness, Malcolm and his family stumble through by the seat of their collective pants, or lack thereof, the world's most mundane events, scrolling from complete lunacy to a truthfully moving moment and back to chaos. The show feels almost daft and surreal... probably because it's the first family show on television to stab at the REAL details of American family life... and dares us to laugh at ourselves a bit. And it takes the screwy, Mad Magazine-esque face of child star Frankie Muniz and his younger co-stars to make it all come together. 

Best Actress in a Drama or Comedy— We went back to the basics for this one folks. When it comes to giving an exceptional comedic performance, it‘s all in the delivery... ‘Sex and The City’s’ Cynthia Nixon is the consummate New York actress, meticulous and subtle, with the perfect dose of pure, unapologetic sarcasm. Nixon's Miranda is dynamic, clever, self-assured and proud of her achievements. She raises the bar for herself almost continually— be it in her professional or personal life. Tough and down-to-earth, she doesn't open up easily, quickly masking her vulnerability with cynicism and self-mocking. With lines like, (to Carrie) "I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic." Miranda eloquently vocalizes our sentiments in ways that we’ve only dreamed about. And no one delivers those lines quite like Nixon. For an actress who has been working for twenty-two years, Nixon has enjoyed a certain amount of anonymity in the public eye. It was not until the success of ‘Sex and the City’ and her Golden Globe nomination that fans began to recognize her on the street. Actress Cynthia Nixon on her character, Miranda, "I think that Miranda is very judgmental of people. While I definitely have a judgmental streak, I think it's not my first knee-jerk reaction. Miranda's first impulse is to blame others, and I think my first impulse is to blame myself." 

Best Actor in a Drama or Comedy— This choice was simple... hands down, actor Gale Harold, ‘Queer As Folk’, the man is flawless in each and every performance. His work is both haunting and playful... He makes you feel and believe in so many ways. And he's so damn comfortable in his own skin that he reminds me of a young Richard Gere, straight (pardon the pun) out of 'American Gigilo'... So much so that, at the center of the show's universe is his interpretation of brash bad boy Brian Kinney— cruel, insensitive and yet oh so irresistible. Brian’s philosophy is rather cold yet simple and precise, "I don't believe in love, I believe in fu%$ing. It's honest, it's efficient, you get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit." Played to absolute heights of excellence by Harold, Brian is as uninhibited and sexual as it gets— like a smooth jungle cat, almost predatory in his sexuality. When he's on the screen, you can't take your eyes off of him. Brian could easily have been a stereotypical male slut. But Harold doesn't overplay Brian's shamelessly seductive antics or his moodiness. Instead, he gives an exquisitely layered performance that makes you glimpse at Brian's vulnerability and his deepest darkest insecurities. Actor Gale Harold on the ‘Queer as Folk’ experience— "I was at a club here in Toronto, and these straight high school girls who were fans of the British version came up to me and they said, ‘You’re playing Stuart’s character? Oh, my God!’ They were absolutely obsessed. I think that’s a good sign."

You may be asking yourself why we’ve opted to completely eliminate the Best Supporting Actor/Actress Drama/Comedy categories respectively this year... It was fairly uncomplicated actually... we decided it was far more important to discuss our parting thoughts on television’s feeble washed out attempts to revive ‘The Love Boat’... a show that we here at UPBEAT find ourselves reminiscing about from time to time. Okay, that, and the fact that we were too drunk to coherently pick anyone else... and the subject sort of "popped up" out of nowhere— but, I digress... How difficult could it have really been to bring back ‘The Love Boat’? I mean, it would certainly give those veteran actors who float aimlessly from sitcom to sitcom something to do. Maybe it was difficult because some things aren’t meant to be recreated... The mystical aura of television magic still glimmers around that charmed cast— for those of us who actually remember the 'Love Boat' as something other than a tacky childhood ordeal. Perhaps television reaches its audience in a certain, incontrovertible way. Perhaps it builds a timeless sort of unspoken connection between an actor/actress and his/her fans that can last for decades— well beyond the life of a show, allowing benevolence and warmhearted memories to flow almost effortlessly. Maybe it's a passage to a simpler, more fascinating time. Or perhaps they were all just a bunch of secluded actors looking for work wherever they could find it. I mean, come on now... It's ‘The Love Boat‘ for God‘s sake.

As for this year's UPBEAT Tube File "Guilty Pleasure" Award— All we can do is repeat the mindless viewer's mantra— so many choices... so little time. This year we selected something that could only come from the mind of ex-MTVer Julie Brown, and I’m not talking about the obnoxious "wubba wubba" girl, I’m talking about the "only" Julie Brown— that loopy red-haired hysterical nut ball who brought us such classic treasures as ‘Attack of The 5’2" Woman’ and ‘The Julie Brown Show’... Her latest offering, which airs on Comedy Central Sundays at some really obscure hour, presumably to avoid any lawsuits (we’re only kidding guys, really) ‘Strip Mall’— in which she stars as a former child star (Tammi Tyler) with a salacious past who now works as a waitress in a sleazy strip mall bar. Tammi Tyler's closet is packed full of leather and lace, but also has enough skeletons to fill a cemetery. And no one knows more than Tammi how hard it is to live a private life when you're a celebrity. Fortunately, Tammi was able to keep some "incidents" from reaching the press. Like the one that ended her career as a kiddie party clown and sent little Bobby Felderson into therapy. Of course, she still swears there was no way she could have known that pony was so "excitable." This show is so "out there" that it’s positively hysterical. From campy to tasteless to downright lewd, ‘Strip Mall’ covers it all with such a "train wreck" mentality that it works, and it works without having to think about anything. And I for one am captivated by every last moment. UB 
 

Bridget Petrella is the Publisher and Editor in Chief of UPBEAT Entertainment News Online. At this point in her life, she's seriously contemplating a complete and unbridled abandonment of " typical" network television... opting instead for The Cartoon Network, Xena Warrior Princess, V.I.P., WWF Wrestling, Nick At Nite's TV Land, All HBO Original Programming and of course... TNN's Roller Jam.
 

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