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That
Domestic Guy— A column about parenting, household life,
relatives, and other forms of domestic torture. It's the stuff
Clark Griswald would be proud to read. Why are parents so
impatient for a child to take his first steps and speak his
first words, when these same parents will spend the next 17
years telling the kid to shut up and sit down?
Filled with intelligent warnings for kids about the dangers of
life. For example: Don't pet that dog; it will eat your face
off. Don't go into the street. A car will run you over and
you'll end up like a banana pancake. That includes your new
shoes. Don't forget to wash your hands after playing in the
sand. There are tiny eggs under your fingernails that get into
your mouth and hatch in your belly, and then at night worms
crawl out of your bottom. (I especially like this one because
after it is spoken, parents get a 10-minute break as the
children discuss it quietly among themselves). Don't touch the
knives. You'll cut off your fingers and then you can say
good-bye to things like ripping off your diaper, locking
yourself in the bathroom and poking the dessert just before the
company comes. Don't crawl into the refrigerator. There is green
stuff on the leftovers that is growing faster than you are. By
morning it will break out of the plastic containers and beat you
up. Don't stand around with your fingers in your nose. Other
kids will think you're creepy and throw sand at you. Plus, their
parents will wonder where you learned it. Don't try to climb
over the balcony railing. You'll flip over the top and die, then
go to a place where a bunch of other bullheaded kids will hit
you on the head with a plastic rake when God's not looking.
That being the case, That Domestic Guy is indeed
"life on the frontlines" of parenting, which includes
the good the bad and the unidentifiable smell.
Column Frequency: Weekly |
