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Sam Paluso is a 1930's private
investigator currently living in the present. In actuality,
Paluso is merely a figment of his own imagination, whenever he
throws on a trench coat and starts spewing out Bogart dialogue.
The persona is a recent addition to Paluso's disturbed life,
which showed up right after he and his wife divorced and she ran
off with her Swiss gymnastics partner, Sven. Comic books are an
indigenous American art form and apart from being an Associate
Editor, Sam Paluso is indeed a recovering comic book "addict". A
man who has spent an abnormal period of time researching the
inspiration for the Peter Gabriel/80's classic tune, "Shock The
Monkey"... Paluso doesn’t have just a king-sized sweet tooth, he
has a bona fide obsession. Readers will cheer his shameless
search for that big sugar high. His often deluded observations
on single guys [“surely, not every dented can is bad, or they
wouldn’t be allowed to sell them, right?”] are hilarious. Paluso
also claims to have been once abducted by a band of crazed
Armenian militant rebels who were said to have been searching
for ways to control the crop ratio of kumquats to beets. Mr.
Paluso, a highly esteemed collegiate socialite at several
prestigious universities has graciously attended Harvard, Yale,
Brown and Princeton... until his short-lived attention span
waned and he eventually decided that perhaps an academic career
was just "not in the Tarot cards" for a man who once boasted
that he did indeed invent "aluminum foil". It is interesting,
however, to note that Paluso's extracurricular activities at
Harvard included editing the Harvard Independent, serving as
President of the University, and chairing the committee to have
Harvard moved from Cambridge over to Mount Olympus. He also once
actually "proved" the existence of God by uttering the Cartesian
formula, “I think, therefore I am.” In the afternoons Mr. Paluso
is in the habit of going into crowded rooms and making everyone
else in the room feel inferior. The evenings are reserved for
extended bouts of name-dropping and celebrity rants, most of
which are completely fictional, except the one about actor Ron
Pallilo [Horshack, Welcome Back Kotter] and the infamous
Horshack laugh. It is still very much a true "mystery" as to how
this man managed to secure the position of "Associate Editor"
here at UPBEAT Entertainment News Syndicate. We still can't seem
to locate the negatives.
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Associate Editor