|
Dear
Devore Sisters,
Let’s see— I recently met this guy at college, and I will admit, I am really attracted to him. He is handsome, witty and his smile is so genuine and cute. He seemed to be acting especially nice to me (much nicer than necessary, if you know what I mean)... Nice enough that I interpreted it all as being sent "signals". I responded by being especially nice right back to him, and going out of my way to chat with him. But then, as quickly as it all
began— it never went beyond that. Suddenly, he started acting somewhat strange... almost avoiding me. As time went on, I got the feeling that he was actually "sneaking out" when I was around. I have received conflicting opinions from my friends about what could be going on.... Half of my friends think that perhaps he really is interested in me, but is either nervous or intimidated or something else, and this is manifesting itself in this odd behavior. The other half of my friends feel that he was just flirting with me in order to get attention, and maybe he's nothing more than a flirtatious guy with no real intention of taking things further. How do I find out what is actually going on with
him— without coming right out and openly asking him? I don't want to do that, it could turn out to be extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing for both of us. Maybe I read him wrong. But for some
reason— I still want to get to know him better, regardless of the outcome.
Signed Mixed Signals Crossed
Dear Mixed Signals Crossed,
Gigi and I have both been in this situation before. Trust us, many men believe they want an assertive, forward woman, until it actually happens to them. But in reality as we know it to
be— men take a great deal of enjoyment in being the "hunter" as opposed to the "hunted"... In simple
terms— most men do not like being pursued. Flirting, yes, hot pursuit, no. It could very well that he came to the conclusion you were pursuing him and became uncomfortable with
it— and is now avoiding you because he doesn't want to encourage it any further. The one thing we tell all women is if you want a man to notice you, make him think that it was his idea to pursue you. As sexist as this might
sound— most men don't mind making the first move, they just want to think this move was something they thought
up— in order for it to be successful. It is emasculating for a man to be "smitten" with a woman... to send her flowers... ask her out... The one thing men find extremely attractive is a woman they are completely at ease
around— someone who they can be themselves with. If a man feels he can't be himself, he probably will lose interest and move on.
So where does this leave you? If the case is as I described above, you can start over by being a friend. If you see him, say hello smile politely and leave it at that. Do not go out of your way to talk to him. This can very disarming and will more than likely cause him to be
intrigued by you. If he knows you aren't as "accessible" as you were, he won't wait very long to make his move.
Feel free to
e-mail those wacky Devore sisters with all of your relationship
questions at UPBEATmag@aol.com.
All letters are subject to editing for both space and clarity.
|
|
The Devore sisters pride
themselves as absolute "experts" in all that pertains to
relationships. One of the Devore sisters, Gigi, is currently working on
a self help novel which she happily refers to as "literary cotton
candy". Her sister Mimi refers to it as complete "bunk"...
|
