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Dear Devore Sisters,
I’ve recently become
engaged over the weekend. It was priceless, beautiful and romantic. It
was everything a young woman fantasizes about since reading Judy Blume’s
teenager romance novel ‘Forever’. We’ve been together for 4 years. My
family is elated; they adore him. His family is so excited they’re
putting together the guest list (perhaps as I’m writing this!). Michael,
my fiancé, has had an eternal smile since the “yes, I will”. And I, up
until a week ago, was doodling my future last name on the phone book as
I called everyone I have ever known since the age of three. Now I’m
miserable. I’ve just met the “other” man of my dreams. The one that
sweeps you off of your feet simply by glancing your way. He and I met as
I was registering for our wedding gifts. I am absolutely devastated.
No...I’m scum. I have it all. I have a loving fiancé, a wonderful
family, supportive family-to-be and overjoyed friends. What do I do? I
fall in love with a guy I met at the department store registration desk.
You may ask how this can happen. Trust me, I’ve asked myself that very
same question over and over and over and etc. etc. etc. This new man in
my life (yes...a complete stranger up until the 10 cups of decaf at the
department store coffee shop and that incredible kiss goodnight in the
parking lot) has no idea that I’m engaged. You may be asking yourself
where did I stash the ring? Well, as fate would have it, my ring was
being sized so technically it’s not my fault...entirely...ok, so maybe a
little...ok, maybe a lot. What should I do? I haven’t slept in three
days. All I can think about is what a rat I am.
Signed, Engaged and Disengaged From Not Sure At
This Point
Dear Disengaged,
Well...you’ve proved that our lives and the lives of most of our readers
are not nearly as complicated as yours. Now then, that being said, let’s
proceed to venture into this emotional mess. First of all you need to
ask yourself if this “other” man is merely a transference of your
insecurities about your upcoming nuptials. Don’t think this isn’t normal
behavior. This is very normal and occurs quite often. Next, you need to
ask yourself if your relationship with Michael is worth sacrificing for
a few fleeting moments with a stranger. You really don’t know this man.
We feel confident in saying that one conversation, deep or not, over
several cups of coffee does not make a relationship. This sort of
problem does not necessarily end with your situation. Society has made
it rather simple to avoid the responsibilities associated with any type
of relationship. There’s always an escape route and you’ve
subconsciously opted for the department store stranger. You need to have
a talk with Michael about your concerns for this marriage. You need to
remain calm and talking with him honestly about your fears can open up
the lines of communication. You never know; Michael may have some
concerns and fears of his own. Marriage is a very serious commitment. It
requires a tremendous amount of work and a complete sincerity. Your
situation may be the stepping stone in taking you and Michael to that
next level of intimacy and understanding.
Feel free to
e-mail those wacky Devore sisters with all of your relationship
questions at UPBEATmag@aol.com.
All letters are subject to editing for both space and clarity.
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The Devore sisters pride
themselves as absolute "experts" in all that pertains to
relationships. One of the Devore sisters, Gigi, is currently working on
a self help novel which she happily refers to as "literary cotton
candy". Her sister Mimi refers to it as complete "bunk"...
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